Im not the same

I recently was faced with great adversity in my life. Those of you who follow my blog and social media channels will know that I lost two people I love dearly to cancer within the space of ten months, My Mum and her sister. Since it happened I have been desperately trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. It has sent my world into a weird chaos. I have constant fatigue, plaguing thoughts, mixed emotions and extreme apathy for everyday tasks.

My intention isn’t to bore you or to offload (I have a therapist for that!) But I think it’s important to talk about issue we face in everyday life, both while we are going through it and also on reflection. While the pain of loss is very real for me right now, I hope that by sharing what I feel, it will not only help me but might also help you with something you may be dealing with.

I have realised it's good to talk because it releases your thoughts and you get out of your own head. It can be hard to acknowledge pain and uncomfortable emotions that we don’t always understand. We can feel alone, anxious and misunderstood and that can be incredibly frustrating. So it is important to find an outlet that works best for you and it can be anything you like. It could be writing, drawing, singing, dancing, or something else.

Sometimes we have to accept that we change and learn to deal with things differently. It’s hard to embrace change especially when you had no part in it and it come with great personal loss. However, accepting that there are some things we just can’t change and the developing the ability to let go of the past and embrace the present is an important part of helping us to cope and move on. Creating and being part of a community is a source of healing for me. I have an incredible bunch of friends and a supportive family, as well as support groups.

I know for sure that the things we experience in life shapes who we become. But in the same breath, we are not our past we have the power within us to create a different future for ourselves.

One of the toughest things for me over the years has been practising self-compassion: being kind to myself and loving who I am. I always have love and compassion for others so why not myself?!

We always have a choice and it can always go one of two ways: good and not so good! The only thing that stops us being where we want to be is the actions we take.

Who I am now, isn’t who I was yesterday, last month or last year. My experiences change with every new day. Unfortunately, I can’t go backwards to a time when I was happier or when things made more sense. Instead I have to find a new way to move forward, in a world that is constantly evolving and changing around us.